7 DEADLY SINS OF SPEAKING

7 DEADLY SINS OF SPEAKING

The human voice is a powerful sound. What I mean is that, what we say have the potential to start an argument or bring benefits to people. But sometimes our words turn people away because for some reason whether we realize it or not we tend to abuse words when we speak.

Now let me just put this in context to close. This is a serious point here. We all know from experience that people that we are in contact with in our lives help shapes us. 

And why is that? How can we speak powerfully to make changes for others to benefit? What I'd like to suggest, there are a number of habits that we need to avoid when we speak. So, here's the seven deadly sins of speaking which I think, are some of the habits that we all fall into very often in our daily conversation. 

7 DEADLY SINS OF SPEAKING

1. Gossip. Speaking ill of somebody who's not present is definitely not a good habit, and we know perfectly well the person gossiping will be gossiping about us five minutes later.
2. Judging. We know people who are like this in conversation, and it's very hard to listen to somebody if you know that you're being judged and found wanting at the same time.
3. Negativity. You can fall into this. My mother, in the last years of her life, became very negative, and it's hard to listen. I remember one day, I said to her, "It's October 1 today," and she said, "I know, isn't it dreadful?" It's hard to listen when somebody's that negative. 
4. Complaining. Well, complaining seem to be the national art of any citizen. It's is another form of negativity. We complain about the weather, sport, about politics, about everything, but actually, complaining is viral misery. It's not spreading sunshine and lightness in the world.
5. Excuses. We've all met this guy. Maybe we've all been this guy. Some people have a blame thrower. They just pass it on to everybody else and don't take responsibility for their actions, and again, hard to listen to somebody who carries excuses everywhere.
6. Exaggeration. It demeans our language, actually, sometimes. For example, if I see something that really is awesome, what do I call it? And then, of course, this exaggeration becomes lying, and we don't want to listen to people we know are lying to us.
7. Dogmatism. The confusion of facts with opinions. When those two things get conflated, you're listening into the wind. You know, somebody is bombarding you with their opinions as if they were true. It's difficult to listen to that.

So here they are, seven deadly sins of speaking. These are things I think we need to avoid. But is there a positive way to think about this? Yes, there is. 

I'd like to suggest that there are four really powerful cornerstones, foundations that we can stand on if we want our speech to be powerful and to make change in the world. 

The word is "HAIL," and it has a great definition as well. I'm not talking about the stuff that falls from the sky and hits you on the head. I'm talking about this definition, to greet or acclaim enthusiastically, which is how I think our words will be received if we stand on these four things.

So what do they stand for? 

Honesty, of course, being true in what you say, being straight and clear. 

Authenticity, just being yourself. A friend of mine described it as standing in your own truth, which I think is a lovely way to put it. 

Integrity, being your word, actually doing what you say, and being somebody people can trust.

Love. I don't mean romantic love, but I do mean wishing people well, for two reasons. 

First of all, I think absolute honesty may not be what we want to say to someone like, "my goodness, you look ugly this morning". Perhaps that's not necessary. Tempered with love, of course, honesty is a great thing. But also, if you're really wishing somebody well, it's very hard to judge them at the same time. I'm not even sure you can do those two things simultaneously. So "HAIL" is the word.

Credit: Julian Treasure · Sound consultant
"How To Speak So That People Want To Listen"
TEDGlobal